So, I'm feeling better...

I've been racking my brain as to what has changed recently that would make me feel depressed and blah. Money is a minor issue, loneliness is another, me getting nowhere with police regarding my attack... but mainly my weight. I've gained considerable weight over the last few months, and it's not stopping. It's almost an eating disorder, but where I actually eat without puking. I noticed last night, I waited until everyone went to bed before I went and made some food. Like I was hiding the fact that I wanted to eat something at midnight. Over the past 10 years, I have inflated a whopping 55 pounds!!! AAAH! I used to joke that I wasn't concerned about my weight until my socks didn't fit anymore. Yah, I'm concerned. A new gym opened near me, as well as near my work. It's inexpensive, with a $100 one time personal trainer included in the membership. I can't get over the fact that I'm so out of shape and would look like a fool, huffing and puffing and shaking when I'm lifting. Isn't that the point of the gym though... most people are there to lose weight and get fit! I thought if these guys were at the gym, it may be motivation for me, but I'd be utterly humiliated if any one of them walked in. I'm not at my hottest, and it sucks.